Thursday, August 30, 2007

In search of solitude.......

Have been a firm believer in the credo that two extremes of anything are similar in its consequences......Got a hint at what I am alluding to? Yaaa......never could possibly lose myself from the crowd...possibly never had the courage....or was too lazy to do it....So the next best step? Immerse fully into the inane mundaneness of everyday life - fully understand the stupidity of what you are doing...of what others are doing.....and have the balls to laugh at your own mediocrity.....and the candidness to laugh at others too :)

OK....but why the 'unmentionables' do I want solitude? Hmm that sets me doing the most difficult thing.....to look into myself with all sincerity...to acknowledge my fears...my shortcomings.....and NOT go into a state of denial (as one lady so aptly told me).....

seri...keta kelvi ku badhil solu daaa daaashu

Why do i want solitude???? SHould there be any reason to wanting something other than just wanting it???? (No wonder this was the question i found most difficult to answer in interviews too - why do you want XXX) OK.....the closest to reality answer that i can give myself for this is - it takes too much effort to be jabbering...to be speaking what others expect to hear....to be conniving the false play that happens all around you......Then why not stand up against it?? Now that is a good question...why not stand up against it??? See....it is definitely worth a try ....truth of the matter is maybe....i have taken the easy way out of closing my eyes...being content with mediocrity....all because i am lazy enough not to make an effort to come out of my comfort zone.....




Thursday, August 9, 2007

You hurt them most whom you love most....

Heard this long back.....have thought a lot about it....may be there is an element of truth to it....why do we hurt? It is never done knowingly i guess...but maybe it is coz we take our loved ones for granted....and tend to go a wee bit too far..that it aches....Revert back and see....you ever felt hurt by the actions of your loved ones? father? mom? son? freind? sister? wife? Why????? Expectations i guess.....we also tend to expect certain things from others (almost as a right) that if it doesnt happen....we let our fuse go off....never the right thing to do...we think twice, thrice...when we want to act in the same manner to a third person..but why does it change when the person in question is our loved one? To show how close you are to them that you can affect their feelings? Aaaaw come on......Small things left unsaid....thin string stretched too far....any solution to it? or do we live with it?
Difficult to say barkhurdhaar.....Haan par yeh baath toh hai ki....come what may you will always be at their side in times of need and vice versa....if THAT is taken care of, everything else is mere filling of details....or so i think...

Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhaatha Chalaa Gaya...

Hum bekhudi mein tumko pukaare….chale gaye…….Hmm so the cassette has started after all….too long to start…must check out if the audio system is ok….you come across variety of situations in your life…and needless to say there is always a lot to learn….how can you touch your nose? He says directly in front of ur eyes….i say…by twisting my hand behind my head….end result? Both of us touch our nose….the method matters…..when the means is going to be rewarded….but if it is only the end that matters…then I would rather do it in a way in which everyone are in harmony….(signs of compromise???? --- naaaahhhhh don’t you worry….i am still a long way from it)….Kabhi khud pe…kabhi haalaath pe ronaa aayaa…..global efficiency vs. local efficiency….something we have studied about….the latter should be subservient to the former…everyone implicitly understands it..more so in a manufacturing set up….ut no one wants to take the plunge in implementing it…why? No machine (or man) should stay idle you see…..cant catch the point?? Well…your mouth (teeth included) can chew and eat food….your stomach can digest it….and you can shit it out….now what if I say…no matter whether you can digest or not..you should always be eating? Or no matter if you can shit it out you should be stuffing yourself? Practical? Then why the bloody hell here? Kya hua hai..hua kuch nahin hain….baath kya hai..pathaa kuch nahin hain….So what you do? Tell once, tell twice…that one should not eat more than what he can digest….if adhered to..well and good…else??? Bloody stuff him with all delicacies and wait till he chokes and bursts out….atleast then the system will be cleaned…..yes..it will stink..the stench shall remain….but you can now turn a new leaf…..Ab kya soche…kya honaa thaa jo hua…achcha hua……

Nikle teri thalaash mein…aur khud hi kho gaye….kuch ban saki na humse toh deewaane ho gaye…..deewaangi ne fir tera koochaa dikhaa diya……have you experienced this?? Naaah..chuck out the romantic angle of this song…have you ever worked towards something so hard and so long..unable to reach the goal though you could always see it just in front of you? Each time putting just that extra bit of effort so that you may get it…and yet…unable to have it? Personally have had such exciting experience while working out some numerical problems…you break your head in all possible manner..do and redo a problem in all possible ways..and when you don’t get the result…there is this gnawing incomplete feeling within you…..and all of a sudden…like a flash of lightning you hit upon the result…how it came about…you never know..it just happened…

Its been a long time since I have loved anything so much that I go the extra mile to achieve it….while I prefer believing the reason to be an attainment of nirvana – the understanding that everything is ephemeral…..it is not always the reason..and I know….’it is a sin to knowingly waste your latent potential’ said a close friend of mine…’you switch off very soon’ said another….there is an element of truth to it…So what am I doing about it? Nothing much….just flirting with the thin line that divides normalcy and insanity…..doing something just for the heck of it…not doing something…again..just for the heck of it….Opportunity cost??? Bull shit…that is one terminology I have relegated to the dustbin ages ago…then what drives you? Impulse….it doesn’t always reap dividends….who asked for it? Then you might be a perennial underachiever….in whose eyes? You seem to be getting into that zone of indifference again? Now that is a great discovery….you want me to buy you a drink? Holy Christ…..Yes what shall I do for you? Now where did that come from? Anbe Sivam….I must have known that….Late realization…When will you ever get serious….why should i? What..if anything matters to you da? Good question….Well..a questions begs for an answer….Hmm…what matters to me??NOTHING…..what?? it is not humanly possible….(smiling) you gave the answer yourself