Monday, January 28, 2008

Tat Tvam Asi

Lost in the wilderness with the realization that comes,

When you know that you have screwed up your life

There is no where to go for everywhere your failure stares against you with vice

Courage is what I ask for, as I decide to dream again

Accepting my failures as but a preparation, just as a carbon stone is pressurized to form diamond

There is a long way to go, let not my mind falter

Taking one step at a time let my mind focus on my footsteps and my heart on the horizon

As much as I have travelled, there is a long way to go

Give me the courage O God to accept You in Me

Thoonginen vandhadhu.....or is it...Vandhadhu adhu naale thoonginen???

One of the more mundane things in life is to spend a lazy day(s) in the hostel…..with nothing to do but kill time. The more sincere amongst us guys always had something to study. The more ‘koothu parties’ always had some movies to watch. The more home loving types always had a home to go to. And the lazy bums like us always had the cot and newspaper for us (despite the pressing need to study or the tempting thoughts of going out for a movie). Probably the most laziest trio to grace the walls of SCH would have been Scenti, myself and Nattamai. We stayed together for our 2nd sem study holidays.


The first evening of our study leave was spent cycling to the bus stand to bid adieu to our friends who went to their home to study. Later we spent the night cycling around karaikudi into uncharted lanes and uninhabited (or so it felt at that time) fields. Tired from our excursion, we feasted at our own mess (guess it must have been dosa with pchutney). Too tired to do anything else, we slept luxuriously (when there are only 3 people to sleep in a bed(s) shared by 6 – it definitely becomes a luxury). The tone of our study leave was set on that first night, when with drowsy eyes and drunken (with sleep) voice we vowed to wake up early in the morning (at least by 7) and finish one subject a day – only to wake up at around 8, have bfast….read newspaper…decide to study after a small nap and find yourselves collectively waking up just in time for lunch….deciding after lunch that it is pointless to study with a sleepy demeanor and you might rather study after the evening tea…and in the meanwhile go back to sleep….miss your tea due to oversleeping and waking up to the sight of setting sun….with lots of regret furiously wash your face and flip through the pages before going for dinner and coming back yearning to sleep AND make the same vow you made the day before.

It was a 2 weeks study leave I guess. The first day saw us promise ourselves to wake up at 7. As we reached the last few days of our leave, we were happy wagering to ourselves that waking up at 9 would be a fair bet. Through the entire two weeks, we the TRIO may have faltered in waking up…..in studying….and in being steadfast in our resoluteness to maximize the benefits of our leave by studying well….however we were unflappably punctual in one aspect – at the stroke of 10 (or was it 9.30??) we switched off our lights and pulled up our bed-sheets bidding each other good night and promising for a better tomorrow.