Have you ever been in this state? You get grossly embarrassed both giving and receiving praise to/from somebody? Also while getting or letting out terms of endearment? The embarrassment is so much that all you end up doing is let out a grunt, a futile attempt at a wisecrack and a pat in the back of the person concerned? And when you come back from that incident, your mind is filled with lots of ifs and buts?
I have been a victim of my own embarrassment plenty of times. It is not that I have anything against that person nor that I don’t value his/her work or feel threatened by them. If anything, I value them more than my life and each time they achieve something brilliant, I feel myself elated beyond measure. But cometh the time to verbalize my feelings, I get stuck – may be I would make them feel too comfortable? Maybe my words would be misconstrued?
It is more a case of me doubting myself than doubting them. Yet the fact remains that I choke both at giving and receiving.
The pain is all the more amplified by the fact that in my heart, I know it would make them happy if only I tell them all that I feel. After all, how many times have I yearned for those affectionate words that would make one feel valued?